How to Choose a Girl
If I could have Katrina Kaif would I choose her? What about Scarlett Johansson. Or any woman I've ever fantasised? If I get them I just take them? I go for the prettiest, most popular girl I can find? Why do I want a pretty girl?
Or what am I really seeking? Recognition, awe, superiority, acceptance, respect, interest, attention, importance. These respectively arise from an insecurity of being boring, not important, being inferior to others, lack of respect for myself. Once I'm free of such notions, there's no need to chase beauty or fame.
So what girl should I go for.. Who would be right for me? If her looks don't actually matter, but hygiene does. Her professional status doesn't matter but passion for work does. Her popularity doesn't matter but her personality does. Loving, honest, adventurous, humble. Well, if she's now of these that's fine too. I can still love her. It really doesn't matter who you decide to live the rest of your life with. It's not about who you love but how you love.
Having a partner who supports us in our goals is great, but by no means necessary. Enjoy all joys the world has to offer without feeling the need to have them. Weddings is beautiful, so is sex, so is going out with someone, and coming home to her. But life without it would be okay too. And if she’s an "ugly duckling" in the eyes of the world, lucky you and unlucky them! Beauty is in the being, and in the love. Use the soap not the wrapper.
No no no that’s not even the whole story. That’s again going with external standards. More valuable is, how does she make me feel? Does she bring the best out of me? Does she truly care about me? Are we compatible?.. do we get along - in work, in play, in life. Do we empower each other or come in each other’s way?
Is she a happy person and does my happiness matter to her as much as her own? No no that's expectation again. Am I committed to happiness, and does her happiness matter to me as much as my own? Let her decide what she wants to give and I decide what I want give. And avoid trying to demand and rule each other's lives already!
So all that really matters is can I love? Am I willing to love? To be one without owning. To keep without taking for granted. To belong without depending. To share without demanding. To care without imposing. To feed without encaging.
When I see someone I ask myself, can I love her? For who she is not who I want her to be. As I am, not an image of me I’m living up to. And then I ask myself again, I can love her, but do I love her? Is the love flowing naturally or is it a manufactured product? And then I ask myself, am I willing to keep loving her through good times and bad, in whatever she may become or we may become? Is my love conditional? Is it leading to liberation or bondage. If it feels like a release, not tightening inside, that’s how I’m going to treat her too.
Really, I only need to ask myself this when considering a girl. Can I love her. Do I love her. Will I love her. And what is love? Hahaha I know very very well, and so do you. But let’s not even get into that game of trying to explain in words.
Is she the right one?…
Bypass the mind, the gut knows.
